he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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