I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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