I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
