Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
