Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
