Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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