i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
