I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
