you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
