a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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