so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
