i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
