Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we're so committed to being not committed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
