I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
