what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
