when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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