Jerry, you need to find god
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I AM VODKA MAN
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
