You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
