Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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