Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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