i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
