Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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