So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
