Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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