You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
