Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
