wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
