Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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