there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
