hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
