we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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