the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
