dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
