This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't turn off my feet"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
