naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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