your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
