Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You made out with two different species that night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
