Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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