we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
