Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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