apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
