Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
