What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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