'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
