drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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