Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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