Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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