If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
