it wasn't lemon gatorade
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
