i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
