My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
