That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
