I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is my gift to your gina
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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