youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
