nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
